GREECE

I've just come back from a week of sailing, napping, drinking, eating, swimming, climbing, laughing and motorbiking in Greece. It was so much fun. There were 11 of us on the trip sailing two yachts: Cloud Nine (aka The Sausage Boat) and Suki. We flew into Preveza and collected the boats at Perigiali, which is on the island of Lefkada, then embarked on seven days of adventures that took us to ports and bays in Meganisi, Kefalonia, Ithaca, Kalamos and probably other islands I've forgotten.

The mornings were spent finding secluded bays in which to swim and eat lunch, afternoons were spent sailing and once docked in the evening we were free to explore, drink, go out for dinner, drink, dance, drink and swim. And drink. It was the perfect holiday.

I was a bit nervous about spending a week on a yacht, because I'm not exactly a big fan of either the sun or the sea, but it turned out to be fantastic. I went swimming every day, learned how to sail a yacht (well, little bits anyway), and ate enormous amounts of food despite thinking beforehand that I don't even like Greek cuisine. I should have known I could find delicious food anywhere!

I've made a list of some special achievements, many of which happened under the influence of alcohol and most of which are going to sound completely random out of context. Here goes:

FUNNIEST QUOTE: Brendan
His comment about spraining a nose on the second night was gold, then he excelled himself with his call about French birds after the Kiwis lost the rugby to France. Don't even ask.

MOST INJURIES: Judy
Whilst I shot into an early lead by cracking myself on the head with a banana lounge and bruising my backside after falling down a hole on the first day, Judy raced ahead by injuring her thumb, getting stung by a jellyfish, developing a nasty sun rash and getting some seriously impressive bruises in places even more uncomfortable than mine.

BEST DUMMY SPIT: Andy
After six days of skippering a yacht full of non-sailors without even raising his voice, an unprovoked assault of ice cubes by some tossers on the table behind us during the All Blacks game flipped him over the edge and he pelted them with bread, baskets and souvlaki. It was too funny. They left pretty quickly after that.

MOST STRATEGIC USE OF A CAMERA: Benny
Who would have thought it would be so useful to take a camera to the little bar in Frikes (a village with only 23 inhabitants)? Benny Benny Benny Benny! Watching the two stars of those photos looking at them the next day with absolutely no recollection of the events they captured was priceless. The poor young Greek barman is probably in therapy.

MOST CONSISTENTLY DRUNK AND DISORDERLY:
I won't name names, but someone woke up one night with her knickers around her neck and peanuts strewn all over her cabin. If that's not damn fine drunken behaviour I don't know what is. That same person also came in second for most memorable quote: while seven of us were having a loud and boisterous swim off the yacht at around 2am on our last night, the poor Germans in the neighbouring boat dared to shush us and got sworn at in reply. The exact words were "who the f*ck are you?" Hehe. How dare they expect a good night's sleep moored alongside Cloud Nine anyway? I thought everyone would have radioed ahead and warned people about us by then!

There are too many funny, drunken stories to recount here, and I don't particularly want to embarrass people (least of all myself) so I'll leave it at that. It was a fantastic holiday, and I'm braced for a huge comedown when I return to real life. But it was definitely worth it for the week-long high of a great holiday with awesome people and beautiful scenery. Aaahhh, the serenity.