TURNING UP THE HEAT

Whoa mamma. It is hot, hot hot. Although Canberra isn't technically part of the heatwave that has swept across south-east Australia this week, anywhere that is still clocking in 38˚C at 7pm is too hot for this unhappy camper. It's times like these I wish I wasn't a crap swimmer.

I'm not sure whether or not I prefer this sizzling, energy-sapping heat to the cold and rain in London this time of year. In both cases the weather outside makes it difficult to leave the house. Although the place I'm housesitting at the moment has no air conditioning, no ceiling fans, only one standing fan (which is pointed at my bed) and windows that are nailed shut, so leaving the house is a rather attractive option.

I'm thinking of buying a cinema ticket tomorrow morning, then seeing if I can skulk around from theatre to theatre, slipping in with the paying customers to watch different movies but more importantly sitting on my arse in the air conditioning all day. Note to self: pack a lunch.

INVASION DAY 2009

Another year has passed and once again the nation stops to cook snags, get pissed, and celebrate the day the English jumped off their ships and started killing every Australian they encountered. Forgive me if I don't feel particularly proud or patriotic today. It's ludicrous and insulting that we still mark the date of this event with a national celebration. Just change the date. Seriously.

MY NEPHEW

KHAI CESAR

1 November - 9 December 2008











As many of you know, the family medical drama I had written about earlier was the birth of my first nephew, little Khai, and his valiant fight for life at the Royal Brisbane Hospital. After five and a half of the most stressful weeks imaginable, Khai passed away in the arms of his mum and dad.

I was lucky enough to spend 4 weeks of my life, almost all of Khai's life, by his side. He was the most gorgeous, strong, and brave little man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. His illness, and his death, has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

I wasn't expecting the intense and instantaneous bond I felt with this little guy. I was seven years old the last time I met a baby I was biologically related to, and while I remember falling instantly in love with my little brother when he was born, I wasn't expecting the same feeling when I met my sister's baby. But he really was an amazing human being. He was so determined to give his very best and tried so hard to get better. In the end, his determination and spirit wasn't enough to overcome his body's weaknesses.

I want to thank everyone who sent their support and best wishes to me and my family. And especially those who have understood and respected my need to withdraw and spend time on my own and with family. I haven't been ignoring anyone, I just haven't been capable of normal social interaction with the pain of my nephew's short life weighing heavily on me.

I'm slowly starting to interact with the world again, responding to emails, and even seeing people in real life - accepting dinner invitations, interacting with people who don't know what I've just gone through. Sometimes I can speak frankly about what happened to Khai, other times the mere mention of him still causes me to burst into tears.

I'm not sure how grieving works, and wish I didn't have to be finding out the hard way. But that's life I guess. So thanks again to everyone for your support and patience during my slow transition back to my old self. I still need a little more time, but I'll be there soon. Promise.