LOST PROPERTY ON THE LONDON TUBE

The Guardian just published photos of 10 items found on the London Underground (http://tinyurl.com/bb4l9k).

This bizarre collection includes a case full of dentures, a pith helmet, a stuffed fox and a toy ape in a wheelchair. And here I was thinking that staff on the Hammersmith and City line would be excited when they found my scarf. What-ever!

WORKING WOES

I'm getting so fed up with work! Returning back to a workplace that one has resigned from is rarely a good thing, but my rationale was that it would only be for 3 months. You can put up with anything for 3 months. Now I've been offered a contract extension and my inner treasurer is wrestling with my inner freedom-seeker to determine whether or for how long I'll stay on. Will try to beat them both into a compromise. Today is the day I need to decide. Eeek.

If only being paid loads of money while backpacking around Australia was placed on the table as an offer. Alas...

THE IPOD KNOWS ALL

A bit of fun (thanks Scotty)...

1. Put your iTunes or Ipod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your next answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how ridiculous it sounds!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
You'll Never Walk Alone - Nina Simone
(oh, isn't that sweet?)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Complicated - Avril Lavigne
(unfortunately, all too true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Wish You Well - Bernard Fanning
(it's all about you)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Birds and the Bees - Jewel Akins
(it's not really)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Rock and Roll is Here to Stay - Sha-Na-Na
(I wish this came up as my motto)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
All The Money or the Simple Life Honey - The Dandy Warhols
(perfect, and I didn't even know I had this song)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Mamma Said Knock You Out - LL Cool J
(your question clearly insults the iPod god)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Late Again - Compulsion
(haha, very apt)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Many Rivers To Cross - UB40
(these answers a bit spooky)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Black Betty - Ram Jam
(what, you didn't realise I had a child? The damn thing went wild. Bam-ba-lam)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Freakalude - Basement Jaxx
(no comment)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Whatta Man - Salt'n'Pepa
(it's getting spooky again!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Ruby Tuesday - Rolling Stones
(I was born on a Tuesday, though probably not a Ruby one)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Push Upstairs - Underworld

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Gonna Have A Funky Good Time - James Brown
(what a brilliant idea!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Shimmy - System of a Down
(apparently to Shimmy is to shake, wobble or vibrate. Sounds fun!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Satin Only - Ammonia
(only high class friends for me)

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Common People - Blur
(oh yes, darling, that sounds ever so dreadful)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Carry On - Motorace
(perhaps something in my carry-on luggage?)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Scentless Apprentice - Nirvana
(er..?)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Do You Love Me - The Contours

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Holding Out For A Hero - Frou Frou

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Belle & Sebastian
(brilliant)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
White Skin Black Heart - Midnight Oil

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Hazard - Richard Marx
(oh dear)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Tell Me How - Even
(man, would I love to time travel)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
My Way - Frank Sinatra

Some of those were great! I've actually used my iPod to help me make decisions in the past. Put the iPod on shuffle, think of a question, press play. You should try it! I'm surprised it isn't recommended by career counsellors or therapists as a means of setting one's direction in life. It's worked for me so far ;)

THIS POST CONTAINS LANGUAGE THAT MAY OFFEND

This clip purports to show every swear word ever said on The Sopranos (all 6 seasons), in the order in which they were spoken. As you can imagine, it's pretty long. Anyone who actually sits down and watches the whole 27 minutes should probably consider engaging the services of your local friendly mental health services professional.

It's pretty compelling. Some highlights to stay tuned for:

"Hair-piece motherfucker"
"Tootle-fucking-oo"
"Little lord fuckpants"
"Fucking crack-head sack of shit"
And that timeless old classic: "Fuck you." "Fuck me? Fuck you."

To close this post, let me sign off with the heart-warming words of the angelic little boy who appears at 12 minutes 42 seconds...

"Fuck you Santa"

MELBOURNE IS HOT

I'm currently in Melbourne for work, and am shivering in 25˚ heat. Yesterday was blistering - the mercury here reached 46.4˚C and there was a ferocious, searing hot wind accompanying the scorching sun. It felt like I was in the middle of a desert, not walking around the streets of Victoria's capital city. It was immense and powerful heat, apparently the hottest ever recorded in Melbourne. It wasn't unbearable (for short periods, in the shade, with a bottle of water glued to one's lips) but with the sun/wind/dry heat combination it was definitely the most intense hot weather experience I've had. Not a good time to be wandering around the streets or standing in a tin shed at a stall, which is what I was doing. The contrast between yesterday and today has me shivering at a temperature that is the equivalent of a London summer.

Not unexpectedly, the combination of drought and heat yesterday set off some ferocious bushfires. While driving out to Springvale at 3pm I saw the sky ahead of me turn an ominous shade of orange/purple. The colour is hard to explain, except to say that it was pretty bloody threatening. When I woke up this morning I saw on the news that there have been dozens killed in a bushfire. It's horrifying. Hopefully the cool weather today will help the firemen tame the blazes.

YOUTUBE GRAMMAR NAZIS

Yeah, what they said!