MY NEPHEW

KHAI CESAR

1 November - 9 December 2008











As many of you know, the family medical drama I had written about earlier was the birth of my first nephew, little Khai, and his valiant fight for life at the Royal Brisbane Hospital. After five and a half of the most stressful weeks imaginable, Khai passed away in the arms of his mum and dad.

I was lucky enough to spend 4 weeks of my life, almost all of Khai's life, by his side. He was the most gorgeous, strong, and brave little man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. His illness, and his death, has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

I wasn't expecting the intense and instantaneous bond I felt with this little guy. I was seven years old the last time I met a baby I was biologically related to, and while I remember falling instantly in love with my little brother when he was born, I wasn't expecting the same feeling when I met my sister's baby. But he really was an amazing human being. He was so determined to give his very best and tried so hard to get better. In the end, his determination and spirit wasn't enough to overcome his body's weaknesses.

I want to thank everyone who sent their support and best wishes to me and my family. And especially those who have understood and respected my need to withdraw and spend time on my own and with family. I haven't been ignoring anyone, I just haven't been capable of normal social interaction with the pain of my nephew's short life weighing heavily on me.

I'm slowly starting to interact with the world again, responding to emails, and even seeing people in real life - accepting dinner invitations, interacting with people who don't know what I've just gone through. Sometimes I can speak frankly about what happened to Khai, other times the mere mention of him still causes me to burst into tears.

I'm not sure how grieving works, and wish I didn't have to be finding out the hard way. But that's life I guess. So thanks again to everyone for your support and patience during my slow transition back to my old self. I still need a little more time, but I'll be there soon. Promise.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

SO NOW I'M GETTING HAILED ON IN CANBERRA

I'm starting to think I harbour a bad weather curse. If only I'd returned to Aus earlier, the drought would have broken years ago. Watch out Brisbane, I'm arriving tomorrow!

(BTW it is REALLY hard to get a good photo of hail.
Don't mock me.)

DARK AND STORMY

So much for my escape into sunshine. A few days ago Brisbane was hit by the biggest storm in twenty years. I thought it was awesome. It broke about 3pm, the sky darkened, the rain started pounding down on the roof, and the thunder was the loudest I've ever heard. Lightning flashed, the noise of the rain was overwhelming and the thunder was ear-splitting. I love storms and was enjoying it thoroughly. Then there was a clap of thunder that made me physically jump and sent a twinge of fear tingling up my spine. At that point I knew that this was more than a wicked summer thunderstorm.

When I was living here in 1998, one day about this time of year saw me huddled in the office with workmates while a massive storm raged outside. Looking out the window I saw a roof flapping through the air and trees being whisked down the street. The storm on Sunday sounded at least as angry as that one, and even though I couldn't see any household pets flying around the sky where I was, I was sure there would be carnage elsewhere. And there was, check out this Youtube video below to get an idea of the ferocity of the storm.

Of course, everyone else in Brisbane was well aware that there was a big scary storm coming. I've just been a bit oblivious because of the family medical situation at the moment. I still can't talk about details, but it's traumatic to say the least. I've led an exceptionally lucky life. When something like this happens it puts all other concerns in perspective. I don't like talking about serious topics in this blog, as you may have noticed. It's just a bit difficult when my whole world is revolving around this person battling in a hospital bed at the moment. I'm flying to Sydney tomorrow, and it's going to be so hard to leave. Thanks to everyone who has sent messages of support, I'll keep you updated offline about how things are going.