MELBOURNE IS HOT

I'm currently in Melbourne for work, and am shivering in 25˚ heat. Yesterday was blistering - the mercury here reached 46.4˚C and there was a ferocious, searing hot wind accompanying the scorching sun. It felt like I was in the middle of a desert, not walking around the streets of Victoria's capital city. It was immense and powerful heat, apparently the hottest ever recorded in Melbourne. It wasn't unbearable (for short periods, in the shade, with a bottle of water glued to one's lips) but with the sun/wind/dry heat combination it was definitely the most intense hot weather experience I've had. Not a good time to be wandering around the streets or standing in a tin shed at a stall, which is what I was doing. The contrast between yesterday and today has me shivering at a temperature that is the equivalent of a London summer.

Not unexpectedly, the combination of drought and heat yesterday set off some ferocious bushfires. While driving out to Springvale at 3pm I saw the sky ahead of me turn an ominous shade of orange/purple. The colour is hard to explain, except to say that it was pretty bloody threatening. When I woke up this morning I saw on the news that there have been dozens killed in a bushfire. It's horrifying. Hopefully the cool weather today will help the firemen tame the blazes.

YOUTUBE GRAMMAR NAZIS

Yeah, what they said!

TURNING UP THE HEAT

Whoa mamma. It is hot, hot hot. Although Canberra isn't technically part of the heatwave that has swept across south-east Australia this week, anywhere that is still clocking in 38˚C at 7pm is too hot for this unhappy camper. It's times like these I wish I wasn't a crap swimmer.

I'm not sure whether or not I prefer this sizzling, energy-sapping heat to the cold and rain in London this time of year. In both cases the weather outside makes it difficult to leave the house. Although the place I'm housesitting at the moment has no air conditioning, no ceiling fans, only one standing fan (which is pointed at my bed) and windows that are nailed shut, so leaving the house is a rather attractive option.

I'm thinking of buying a cinema ticket tomorrow morning, then seeing if I can skulk around from theatre to theatre, slipping in with the paying customers to watch different movies but more importantly sitting on my arse in the air conditioning all day. Note to self: pack a lunch.

INVASION DAY 2009

Another year has passed and once again the nation stops to cook snags, get pissed, and celebrate the day the English jumped off their ships and started killing every Australian they encountered. Forgive me if I don't feel particularly proud or patriotic today. It's ludicrous and insulting that we still mark the date of this event with a national celebration. Just change the date. Seriously.